As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

A poem by C.S. Lewis written after he lost his wife of two years to cancer.

Lately it seems that more often than not I feel my eyes betraying me by beginning to flood with tears. I share this not to gain your sympathy, but again to state that "Yes, dear. I'm imperfect and perfectly human".

Anyway, this was actually one of my favourite poems before my Mom passed away. I remember when I told her that it was my favourite. :) But now I understand it a lot better. Enjoy!

I hope you can understand its message and apply it to your life too.

Expect a miracle!

-Liana S.

4 months...

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” -C.S. Lewis

There are many days when I begin to think I've heard His message, or I begin to feel a little cocky like maybe I've got God all figured out. Nope. Never will I be able to figure Him all out in my lifetime.

I think that the pain like this in life cuts through all the barriers and blinders we put up--the ones we put up knowingly and unknowingly, and we can truly say,

Job 42:5
My ears had heard of you,
but now my eyes have seen you.

"God, I've heard of you before. I thought I knew all about your ways that you're a good God or I believed the lie that you're a cruel God. But now, I see you."

This is an incomplete thought but maybe I'll finish it later. If not, just a verse for you to ponder on a little. Gooooodnight!

Expect a miracle!

-Liana S.

and counting...

Excerpt from her journal 2/28/10,

Lord,

I Thank You for giving me the ability to take it one day at a Time and Worry is No Longer my weakness.

Thank You for teaching Me to Give everything to You, to Rest on Your Promises and to Live by Faith.

Thank You for Bringing Me to a New Higher Level & Teaching Me to Fully Depend on You.

Thank You for Teaching Me to Listen and Discern your Voice and for the Future Plans you have Laid out for Me and My Family.

In Jesus Precious name, Amen.

Expect A Miracle

3 months...

Taking the Initiative Against Depression by Oswald Chambers

Feb. 17, 2012

Arise and eat—1 Kings 19:5

The angel in this passage did not give Elijah a vision, or explain the Scriptures to him, or do anything remarkable. He simply told Elijah to do a very ordinary thing, that is, to get up and eat. If we were never depressed, we would not be alive—only material things don’t suffer depression. If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exaltation. There are things in life that are designed to depress us; for example, things that are associated with death. Whenever you examine yourself, always take into account your capacity for depression.

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things-things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way is an initiative against depression. But we must take the first step and do it in the inspiration of God. If, however, we do something simply to overcome our depression, we will only deepen it. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life.

Just a daily reminder to arise and eat. To do the simple things, do not scorn the little things. This goes out to everyone who feels like they've lost hope, arise and eat! If you ever feel down, remember...

Expect a miracle daily. (:

-Liana S.

Growing Pains

I'm ony 19 years old, yet life feels so tough. Why?

It’s so easy to focus on the things I lost. My family’s home, my mom, close friends, strength and inspiration… yet I seem to forget that God can give, but He also can take away. And in all circumstances, I have nothing else left but a thankful heart. I still thank Him for giving me what he did, even if it was for a short time. It’s hard, but there is nothing left to do but continue forward.

Nothing will ever replace what was lost. A mother’s wisdom. A friend’s shoulder to cry on. A home’s warmth and comfort. The memories made are endless and will always remain. This may be the toughest thing to swallow. But it’s not over. Dark times serve a purpose. Reality hits hard…but life is still a gift. Hoping to use my experiences as a way to uplift and help others who will go through the same struggle.

Love your parents because as much as we think they won’t grow older, they do. Cherish your friends because you never know when you’ll lose one. Make the most of being in school because tuition will only go up from here. Push through, be patient and work hard with getting into classes despite if you're wait-listed or not because the ones who are determined enough to get into a class will surely get into it. Be thankful if you live at home because you’ll miss it once you leave it. Work hard if you have a job because it will definitely pay off later. Forgive others as He has forgiven you, and most of all, forgive yourself.

The pain I feel from losing people only motivates me to love others more. I’ll cherish what I have now, so that whenever it leaves me again, I’ll proudly say that I made the most of what was given to me.

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. "

~ 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (The Message)

Good morning, everyone!

I'm not sure if it was last night or the night before when I was laying in bed thinking about music and BAM! I realized that I might've not shared this song! Which would be quite a blunder on my part since during my Mom's month long journey at the hospital, this song helped sustain me and many of those around me. So how could I not share it? Be blessed!

Thank you, God that we are alive today.

Expect a miracle and have a beautiful morning!

19 minutes until it marks the anniversary of two months and one day since you went ahead of us. We sang this at John's celebration of life, both of you guys are saving a place for me now.

Yeah, I still believe in expecting a miracle. Thank you, God, that life here is beautiful. After life, there is death, and LIFE again--renewed in you, God.

Expect a miracle.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

My mom and dad at their wedding. My mom's wedding dress she also designed and created.


Me, 20 years or so later, in my mom's wedding dress. Taken by Christine Leong at Golden Gate Park, San Francisco CA.

Details were sewn by hand.

The designer and her daughter. (2010)

Her simplistic, classy style.

I successfuly crashed a Textiles course today, and I all I could think of is how much I'd love to hear her advice on apparel construction/design right now. Her primary passion was sewing/fashion design, and ironically, I'm a current Pre-Apparel Design and Merchandising major. She always joked about how I followed after her. :)