For the past few years, I have been bombarded by challenges, constant changes in my personal/family/work life. I’ve been humbled and broken down by the good Lord’s disciplinary actions and guidance through the Holy Spirit and also come close to becoming numb about my growth and spiritual walk with Him. One thing that strikes me the most though in my whole walk is.. my mind and the ways I tend to compare myself to individuals whether be those brothers and sisters in Christ OR to even those brother and sisters whom are still lost and in love with the world. Some may ponder, “but we all compare sometimes Aaron.” Lately, I’ve come to realization that my self-comparison to others has become an unseen obsession/depression. Just to make things simple and not complicate my point I’ve listed some things I tend to compare
1. outward appearance 2. stage in life/maturity in Christ 3. skill in the worship team (drums/guitar/vocals/leading) 4. monetary issues/status 5. wants/provisions/allowance/the world
The Lord has not commanded us to look good, or in our case buy the most expensive stuff, mold our bodies to similarly look like the models in the media (who by the way majority ONLY look like that during the shoot from starving themselves), be in tune with the latest worldly fashion/trends. The Lord commands us to “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands.” – 1Thess4:11 NIV 1984, as well as "your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1Pet3:3-4
Everyone’s walk is different correct? God has a specific blueprint for our lives, each going our own way different from another. My walk will NEVER be the same as another, possibly similar aspects or stages but NEVER exactly the same. For those searching for God’s purpose in their lives, I will say this, you will NOT find it unless you have repented of your sins, turned to Christ for salvation, and committed yourself to not just believing (even the demons believe in Christ and shudder. James 2:19) but obeying and following. I type as if it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy but the Apostle Paul even gives himself as an example that even being in Christ, the flesh will take over, the sin takes over. For the things Paul wants to do he cannot but the evil he does NOT want to do he does, for his body and spirit are always in warfare (Rom7:19). Even the Apostle Paul had difficulty continuously obeying the Lord Jesus. So who am I to compare myself to those more mature than me. There is not one sinner who is holier than another sinner.
As for the worship team, let’s just say that my skill are not where I would like them to be. The Lord has blessed me with gifts to use in order to serve Him (in my church/bible studies etc.), but even with this, I have realized that I’ve been in want (we shouldn’t be according to Ps23), I’ve looked at other worship leaders, drummers (when I was still drumming), and guitarist and said to myself, “why couldn’t I be like them, play as well as them, be blessed as them?” My thoughts should not matter for His ways and His thoughts are higher, and if my skill is to stay where they are, I know and continue to pray that God hones my abilities not for myself but so that I may be more effective only through Jesus Christ in leading the lost to Him.
Money. Everyone needs more. Everyone wants more, we can always “think” we need more when we shouldn’t be worried about gathering what moths and insects can destroy, thieves can steal but we should be storing up treasures in heaven where moth and rust, thieves cannot ruin or steal (Matt 6:19-20). Why should I even worry about my status when I already serve the God of the universe, the God of Jacob, the God who allowed Nehemiah to break down the walls of Jericho, the great God who sent His only Son (Himself actually, a topic for another day) in human form to translate, relay, AND display His love for us through the Cross. The Lord will provide for me (Ps111:5)for He has fed even the cattle and livestock (Ps147:9). Why should I worry?!
Last for tonight. What do I mean by #5? I mean that I too despite the fact that I am a bond-servant of the Lord, I too like Paul wage war with my spirit and body, always being tempted. I found as I got older it’s more difficult to avoid indulging in drinking , wanting to mark my body with tattoos, hang out with a secular crowd, think impure thoughts, see impure things, want impure things, more or less do things that would shame the name of Christ. My heart aches when I think about things I’ve done to a God who has poured out all for someone like me a liar/adulterer/etc, a sinner. Plain and simple, a sinner.
I may say all these things tonight. And I know judgment comes my way whether I chose to do what the Lord commands or fall for what my fleshly desires are. Just because I have received the “gift” of eternal salvation through Jesus Christ, does not mean I also go out and abuse my salvation as a license to sin (read Jude 1:4 NIV 1984). At the same time when I do sin, I must realize too that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom3:23) continuously. Nor can or should I water down the standard of Christ for my own comfort and lifestyle but should pursue righteousness always regardless of the eyes that see me or don’t see me.
Some may wonder why I write something like this? New Year? Revelation? Trying to get attention?
I figure that I’d write this because these are the things I would talk to Auntie Agnes about… my walk. And I’m sure there are plenty readers/family members/ friends who have done the same. I’m just doing what I know the Lord and Auntie Agnes would want me to do, make my life transparent, a see through glass that leads to the grace, forgiveness, mercy, and love of Christ.
Not only will I pray for myself but ask for your prayers brothers and sisters as I will pray for those who suffer the same way or similar ways I am and I have.
“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” – Galatians 6:14
- aaron
