"How do you think Christy and I feel? How do you think we cope when this happens to us?"
by Cecilia Naughton-Perez on Monday, November 21, 2011 at 10:33pm
Last night was the first time in a long time I couldn't sleep...usually when my head hits the pillow I'm done...I spent the next three hours thinking about this wonderful woman, why her story caught my attention and captivated me. Agnes is her name. I remember thinking what a beautiful name, sounds like she was full of goodness, saint-like. Agnes means pure and holy. I didn't know her at all, only through my friend Christine's beautiful heartfelt posting, and blog. Christine asked us to pray for her dear friend who was fighting for her life.
You see it was just three weeks ago that Agnes was diagnosed with lung cancer. As her situation unfolded and certain medical issues arose, I didn't understand some terms so I asked my daughter, Christy, who is more knowledgeable about medical jargon to join in to read about her and soon after, Cerita, other daughter, started to follow her blog too. So all three of us were following her blog and her day to day fight and struggles.
Her story truly tugged at our heartstrings. Although we did not know Agnes, we learned that she has so much dedication to God, to her family and her friends. She is the kind of person who is truly beautiful inside and out. She is a very special person who poured her life and love into all the people she loved and a light to all the people that she met. Our heartfelt condolences to her three beautiful young daughters, husband, family, friends, and to her dear friend, Christine.
I was so saddened, so touched to read about Agnes passing this morning. Years ago, I always wondered how doctors cope when they have so many patients sick and die while in their care. How do they handle life upon seeing patients fighting for their life, all the procedures they have to perform and all the machines and life support that they see their patients hooked up to survive. I will never see or understand what happens behind the scenes in the hospital the way the doctors see them.
A couple hours before Agnes passed. I read in the blog that her oxygen was low, and her family was rushing to be with her, so I sat down near my son-in-law, Cisco, with a heavy heart and asked him "Cisco, tell me the meaning of all this what is happening to her?" I listened to Cisco describe to me all that was happening, and painted a picture for me what they do to patients, what they see, and what they say to terminally ill patients and their families. As I looked into my son-in-laws eyes, he said, "Mom Cecile, you read all about her in a blog, you don't know her personally, so don't be so hard on yourself, then he went on to say, "How do you think Christy and I cope with this kind of situation that happens almost everyday. We see critically ill patients, take care of them, get to know them for a day, for a week, month or so, get to know their families and sometimes they die. How do you think Christy and I feel? How do you think we cope when this happens to us?"
How do doctors cope? Now I understand why Agnes came into my life, for me to experience to care about someone I didn't know and to feel the pain of losing them even for the short time I was able to peek through a window into her life. Just the way Christy and Cisco experience them. As I listened to Cisco answer my question, I realized I will never fully understand what goes on behind the scenes in the hospital room, ER or OR and how it may have affected both of them. I now have a better understanding that some days will be more difficult and there will be some days they will come home with a heavy heart and full of sadness, but I know they will always put a happy face on and cope the best way they know how, by running or walking as soon as they come home or just by being quiet not saying a word. And yes, now that I think back, there were days when its much more unbearable that they both talked and shared about their day while tears formed in their eyes.
After talking to Cisco I felt so much admiration and respect for both of these young doctors-to-be. I've always believed that God put us here on earth to touch, to learn, make a difference and impact each other and create a ripple effect here on earth. I didnt know Agnes but she came in my life to enlighten me, I've learn from here on to be more understanding, to have more patience, be aware, conscious and sensitive, to my children, when they come home from a long day and night from the hospital. For me to be on another level of mothering, to learn to have the heart of a "Doctor's Mother."
~Cecilia Naughton-Perez
Thank you for sharing. (:
